Fourteen years ago this week I walked into a hair salon in Paris and asked them, in French, to cut me “French bangs”.
The results were glorious.
Not just the look, which I enjoyed greatly for a while before the inevitable annoying growing-out season, but the experience of doing something that felt so bold in a place so far from home.
Of all my visits to Paris, that’s one of the moments that stands out the most.
This is a recurring theme in my life, and they aren’t always the moments with glorious results that stand out.
On a later visit I was staying with a friend in her apartment near Gare du Nord. I’d picked up some things at a market to make myself lunch in her kitchen and I ended up eating the grittiest salad ever. I did not know that lettuce comes straight from the ground to the market and needs to be washed very, very well. (Not only do I have French dirt in my soul but also I’ve ingested it.) Later, I sat on my friend’s tiny balcony in the sun, wrapped in a blanket I’d picked up at a neighborhood shop, and laughed at myself.
The things that had the potential to blow up in my face, the times I risked (and sometimes did) get lost or eat dirt in my salad or get locked out of an apartment and spend the night in an NYC stairwell, have made not just the best stories but moments I’m so grateful for.
Furthermore, all of these things I’ve experienced alone.
Travel alone is one of the things that has helped to shape me the most throughout my life. Or, I’ve found, even on a trip with a companion having some time to myself has been invaluable. That first trip to Paris with the bangs I took with my good friend Mikey, and on that day I’d made the hair appointment and then went shopping a bit solo (I still have the gray strapless dress I bought that day) before meeting up with him again.
Interestingly enough, my memories are sharper from many of my solo experiences. I guess it makes sense that I would be more present, more observant of my surroundings, more in tune with what’s happening within myself, not partly attuned to someone else’s needs and feelings.
Sitting alone at an airport bar has made me new friends who I’d never have met or talked with otherwise. One was in my phone for many years as simply “Doug Chicago Airport”. Choosing a restaurant and sitting alone for dinner came to feel normal to me. In all those travels throughout my twenties and thirties, especially through my thirties, I rarely if ever felt lonely.
I think that’s the most important thing.
I came to enjoy my own company.
Reflect on this today:
How well do I enjoy my own company?
How often do I enjoy my own company?
Do I have any favorite or stand-out memories of things I’ve done on my own?
What practices might I begin now or in the new year that would allow me to spend time on my own? (Maybe it’s a new class, or a trip, or dinner out alone once a month…)
And consider, this is the point of meditation. To spend time within yourself, with your inner self. If you haven’t yet, check out my free guided recorded meditations on Insight Timer (linked below).
Or if this topic stirs something within you that you need guidance through, join me for a one-on-one session where we can work together on your plans to connect with yourself. Use code SUBSTACK for $40 off an a la carte session!
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