The dining area is at the heart of my house. This November week, each time I pass through (as on my way to or from any space in the house I pass through here) the yellow of the tree out front is a glorious shock to my system. It’s striking. Things change, it tells me. Things grow vibrant, and dull, and vibrant again in a new way. Pay attention, it tells me.
A week from today I’ll be 41 years old and while I’m not at all opposed to aging, 41 is definitely less interesting of a milestone than 40 was. Regardless, 41 brings with it some very welcome things. I was 39 when my husband had an affair. I was 40 when we divorced. Those are some things I’m glad to move on from. A new year means I’m that much further away from it all, and that much more within the new life that’s becoming less new and even more wonderful every day.
Here are some other things on my mind as I near this particular birthday:
(1) I know myself better than ever. Not “myself” like my favorite color and what makes me laugh, but my Self, the part of me who is drawn to certain colors or who leads me to what makes me laugh. She is the inner voice who speaks clear and peaceful (even if not always easy) truths to me. She is more me than any of the rest of me is, and the more I loosen my grip on the rest the more she shines.
(2) Less really, really is more. But it takes some getting used to. It’s easy for me now to stand on my mountaintop and shout “Do less! Be more!” but until I was ready - truly ready - to begin to make that change myself about 5 years ago those words fell on deaf ears. And it’s taken me five years to get to where it’s not just easy but incredibly beautiful and fulfilling.
(3) Of all the things I wish myself, peace is first. Peace in the every day, peace in the turmoil, peace in relationships, peace with myself. I’ve never known peace like I’ve found this year. For this, I am most grateful.
(4) Soul friends can be new or old friends and they are the best kind. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I LOVE YOU.
(5) Outside for all things: Eat food that grows outside, nearby. Move your body outside. Sit outside in the cold morning air. Stand outside and feel the earth beneath your feet, holding you up. Look at the trees above, at the stars, at the moon in all its phases. Know the earth. Be at home here.
(6) Tell yourself the truth.
(7) Glennon Doyle and team said on their podcast, we are all the ages we have ever been; we carry them inside of us. I love this. I carry her with me, my past selves, all of them.
ICYMI, in the new year free subscribers will get one full post and all the other previews each month, and paid subscribers will get all weekly posts in full. If you’d like to get me a birthday gift, becoming a paid subscriber is a good one. It’s only $5/month or $50/year.
Cheers, friends!
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I am soul friend! Love you, happy birthday!