I hate that this list was her idea. His mistress.
In the first weeks after I discovered their affair we interacted a little. She feigned the desire to help us repair our marriage, or at least to help him to be happy whatever it took. I say feigned because I can’t believe in the genuine nature of such a thing given her position and her decision making prior to those moments. But that’s not the point.
I talk very little of my finding out because I cannot bear to relive it. I will, I’m sure, because as a writer I know that the things we avoid writing are the things we most need to put words to. Not yet. Not yet.
Anyway, making this list was her idea and I’ll try to forget that as best as I can because I absolutely love it and it’s the kind of thing I’d have done on my own regardless.
A list of house “rules.”
This is the way we live. These are the things we do. This is how we find laughter and connection. It’s how we respect each other. How we hold high what matters most to us. Light and heavy, big and small.
In house Rev, we:
honor our own truth, for ourselves and each other
seek to understand ourselves for the benefit of all
hold highly the values of knowledge, adventure, and joy
spend time in nature, be it our hikes or neighborhood walks, and always find something to stop and marvel at
celebrate vinyl hour at least once a week
dance
visit farmers markets where we love to find even the tiniest bit of inspiration
consider every plate coming out of the cabinet at dinner to be a symbol of someone who is a gift to us (Isla and I often shout “two plates!” when we get our plates out at mealtime)
are allowed to be imperfect; not to break vows
respect privacy; and don’t keep secrets (secrets, like hard candy, rot teeth)
cook together and try something new at least once a week
remember that love is ACTION. action requires choice. choice comes from intention
keep a list of every bar/restaurant we visit, acknowledging that time together, new experiences, and food/drink are precious to us
share dinner at the table together as often as possible
always keep garlic in the kitchen, let it add to every meal and serve as a tactical reminder of all of the house rules
and finally, say “I love you” every day, all the time, because we do and we always will
House Rev is just Isla and me now and I find this even more valuable. This is how we do life together. This is how she will grow. She may even add to it or evolve it along with me! And it will serve as a tool for anyone who may join our household in the future. Do you live this way? Will you always? What rules do you bring that makes us even stronger, more engaged, more loving, more joyful?
Not everyone will fit. I gave Ian a copy of this in those first few weeks, re-invited him to share life with us in these ways, invited him to add to it.
I didn’t choose the path of divorce because of the affair. The affair forced me to clarify what I want my life to look like and what I don’t.
This is it. The house rules apply.
Isla and I moved into our new home yesterday. Everything is still in boxes, but there’s already garlic in the kitchen.
Have you read these top posts from Kimberly Revereza?
Searching For Home, To Be Human, Truth or Dare
Yes. The house rules apply.
I would add: Remembering our faith in Christ as our Savior in all we say and do.