Dissipating

The two sides of grief.

Is this what grief looks like?

Sitting in the sunlight in my favorite chair in my new house, in the city I’ve dreamed of living in for a decade and a half.

Crying.

I cry all the time now.

I didn’t cry much when I found out my husband was having an affair. I raged. I left my body for weeks. I was in shock, numb, erratic, resolute, confused, in deep pain. But I did not cry much until now.

Now that I’m living the life I failed at creating with him. The one that was never his. That he wasn’t capable of. That he never really wanted.

Now that I’m happy. Now that I’m free.