Dear Truth,
Do you know that whispering is actually harder on the voice than speaking? (Of course you do.) For how long were you whispering before I finally heard you?
I am so sorry.
I ignored you. I pushed you aside. I covered you in excuses renamed “reason” and “logic” and even “courage.” (Courage! Let me also later apologize to courage for this.)
There was nothing courageous about acting against myself.
Really though, you weren’t always the easiest to identify. You are now that I’ve become familiar with your tone, with how you feel in my body, with the kinds of things you speak up to tell me. But before now you seemed foreign and sometimes a lot like another voice called Anxiety who is sort of occasionally useful but also a nuisance. I could not tell you two apart for far too long. That’s not your fault.
To be clear, you are never a nuisance. What you have to say might be inconvenient or unpleasant - or even terrifying or painful - but it’s so very necessary.
Now, I don’t know what I’d do without you.
About sixteen months ago I dove down within myself to find you. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but finally I let you speak and you asked me to make a change in my marriage. I let you speak through me (I was afraid to say those words without you) and you asked for more from my then-partner.
When he responded to my ask for more by abandoning our vows, in secret, you let me know that, too.
You were sick alongside me for months as we were lied to again and again. You kept reminding me that something was wrong. That I wasn’t getting the truth from someone. That I was worth far more. You wouldn’t let me get away from it. You wouldn’t let me forget. And while it felt wretched, it was what I needed. You stayed with me through the worst season of my life.
And you got me through it and to the other side.
I’m so grateful to you. I am so grateful for you.
What a treasure you are in how you speak truth so softly and with so much love. What a gift it is, to hear you through the noise.
I’ll never stop listening.
Thank you for being you.
I love you.
Kimberly
Dear Kimberly…
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