Here’s a mini-podcast addition this week! Give it a listen, and read Part Two of “Both” below. (If you missed or want to revisit Part One, here it is!)
Both, Part Two
It took me two hours to get him to tell me. Two hours of begging, of justifying why I deserved the truth, of insisting that I knew, knew, knew, and that he couldn’t convince me otherwise nor avoid having this conversation any longer.
Finally, finally, he told me.
Looking back now I can see myself splitting into two people as I listened to the words I never in my life thought I’d have to hear: that the man I very carefully chose as my partner for life, who I’d trusted so fully and completely with the care of my heart and with all the years of my future, had destroyed everything I’d ever given him. And he wasn’t sorry.
He didn’t ask me to forgive him, to give him a chance, to try to get past this together.
He didn’t offer to hold me, tell me he’d gotten carried away, or share any kind words about me or our life at all.
I became two opposite parts of myself. One me was hurt beyond comprehension. Shattered. And wanted to say, never will I allow myself to be devalued like this. Get out. Don’t come back. It’s over.
The other me… understood. It could have been me who’d done it. I didn’t. I hadn’t. I wouldn’t really have, I don’t think. But it’s easy enough to imagine it. I had, in fact, imagined it.
It’s so very human.